Over and Over
Lyrics:
Over and over she will say
go to school and find a better way.
Listen to me girl, I'll be OK.
I've got my whole life to work
and none to play.
And you're staring at me with eyes of shame.
And you're looking for someone you should blame.
You gotta pocket of love, none to spare.
And you really don't care if I care.
It's not easy being me.
I've got no job or security.
Listen to my mind to a degree.
Got something here that you can't see.
And you really don't like when I talk like this.
And you shut me up quick with a phony kiss.
You've got nothing to say about the thoughts you contain.
And sometimes I wonder if you got a brain.
Should I care when no one does?
The answer in life is because.
You're never around when I cry
so don't show up when I die.
And if all you want to do is just mess up my head.
And you really don't like me, I'm just good in bed.
Just remember all the things that you once said.
You could write it on my grave when I'm dead.
Commentary:
This is a true gem in the Paradigm archives. As I mentioned, this was one of the first songs I ever wrote and you could tell. Originally, it was the same arpeggiated notes repeated, over and over and over. So I guess it might be brilliant that the song is called "Over and Over" except that's a horrible guess because it was far from brilliant. It was over the top dramatic, self indulgent and beautiful.
Wait, what?
Yes, beautiful. Beautiful for what it did for me. It was the first time I wrote a song. An actual song of my own, by myself, from notes that I learned and executed by myself. Words that I manifested from my mind, wrote down and created a melody for.
Looks like I didn't lose that penchant for drama.
I remember Mike really liking this song and saying that this was going to be our hit, which was so incredibly inspiring at the time when you just don't really understand self esteem and confidence. Shit, I still have a hard time understanding it.
Mike originally sang this whole song and it was also recorded on the "magic" tape that I hope will be unearthed at some point in the future.
Once I took on lead vocals, the song evolved into a ballad that had a "hard" element to it. Paradigm would have several songs like this in the future, but this was the first of it's kind. Nick would sing the softer parts and I would sing, really raspy, for the harder parts.
Again, death and dying and blah, blah, blah. I mean, does anything sum up teen angst more that this:
"Just remember all the things that you once said.
You could write it on my grave when I'm dead."
Jesus. That's some ego. Still, beautiful for me.